Perfect Teacher

I used to be the perfect teacher. Until I found myself responsible for teaching a classroom full of students for a few weeks. I found myself always being anxious. At first all went well. Then I started teaching each week with the thought in mind that this week too shall pass. I could not wait for the weeks to be over. I had no desire to hang out, socialize, or relax. I was so anxious about everything going well at school. I started depending on myself and not seeking the Lord for strength.

Anxiety. I have never experienced such anxiety in my life. I am a person who worries a lot. But this was different. The past three weeks I could not eat during the school day. I ate an orange, or a yogurt because I knew I needed to. My hands would shake during the day, my mind never stopped thinking, and I constantly felt pressured. It all started with what I thought was an extremely bad lesson. My initial thoughts: how am I ever going to improve?? From there on out, I did not give myself a break. There were days I thought I should quite. I remember coming home one day and my mom telling me literally to relax, to go lay down and stop aimlessly pacing around the house.

I knew these thoughts and feelings were not from the Lord. I prayed. I prayed that God would give me wisdom and guide me and give me strength. He has. Last week was my "solo" week. It's basically teaching by yourself, without the teacher in the room. At the end of the week the teacher told me, "You did a great job." Those words made me sigh a sigh of relief. She has never said anything positive or negative about my teaching so I never knew what she was thinking. After my first few lessons we discussed what went well and what I should work on, but I already knew what I did and didn't do well so I would tell her and there was not much more to say.

Finally, God comforted me and sent people that would encourage me. I would literally hear teachers telling my teacher that I was doing a great job. I know that God did that for me. I am not writing this in a prideful manner-no not at all, but I am writing this to say that God cares so deeply for us and knows our needs. He knew I needed words of affirmation.

Today at lunch time I finally felt hungry. I thought all over again about how I would not want to do anything else. I know God used this experience to draw me closer to Him and show me that yes I can do this because God works all things together for good for those who trust God. It is so hard to place everything into God's hands sometimes, but once you do, God takes care of it all.

I am now just observing other classrooms and helping in the class since I completed my solo week and this placement is coming to a close. As I've said, now I see how God has worked all things together for good. 

 

Blessings,