When A Guilty Reality Hit

Hi all.

 Life has pretty much been mundane lately. It's the same ol' church, school, homework, and work; I've had this schedule for the past few years of my life. I'm used to it. I know I'll miss it one day. But on days like this past Monday-late at night, I was doing my work and just started crying! I cried because I felt like such a bad daughter, friend and mostly sister! It all started when Lena told me she did not understand her homework because she missed school, and she forgot that night's homework-she was almost crying because there was a possibility she wouldn't be able to participate in Friday Fun Time.

The three sisters.

I just looked at her, lectured her, said I was sorry I couldn't help her with the math she didn't get because I wasn't home. A few hours into the night, when all were sound asleep I just started to think about how fast time flys by and how sad that I spend it all on myself and so little with my family, and doing other meaningful things: sitting down with the kids to do their homework with them, take Andrew to the store, read with them, etc. (all basically family related). I just know the kids will all grow up so quickly, and I want to treasure this time and use it wisely. It just breaks me heart when Andrew asks me to take him somewhere and I can't because I always have something else "important" going on.  As an added bonus, my homework was extra difficult that night and so I started to feel like I just might not be able to do this college thing (here I go again...) so not only was I failing my family, but myself as well. It felt better to cry and cry. I felt guilty for things that are beyond my control right now-I realize that now.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I was humming a song. Seriously, the Lord put that song on my heart because I didn't consciously decide to hum it. I decided to repeat it because I wasn't sure what I was humming. 

 

Then I realized it was one of the kids worship songs that I had learned and planned to teach the kids, but haven't gotten to it. It's the words of Proverbs 3:5-6 sang to a simple tune. 

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

As you can imagine, I wanted to cry even more after I realized I was humming this song!

The moment was such a God moment because He came to comfort me and put a song on my heart that I didn't know I needed. God gave me peace once again, showing me that He will get me through these mundane college years, even when they feel like you've forsaken so much in life, for it. 

Blessings,

Lesya